The year was 2008. I had just come out of a bad breakup and was at my lowest point emotionally. I was already quite an insecure person, I had depression for at least 6 years up till then and had fairly high social anxiety. The relationship had been turbulent but it was also my security blanket. Having someone to lose yourself in, to depend on, to tell you that you are loved and cared was really nice. But it also came with an unhealthy dependency on another persons affection to make you feel worthy. So when I lost that relationship, more of my sense of self was lost with it.
After many months of crawling through deep despair I moved into a state of trying to get back together. I tried everything – begging, anger, guilt tripping.. but nothing worked. Finally I decided to google “How to get your ex back” and stumbled across a website called ‘Powerful Intentions’ (http://www.powerfulintentions.org/). At this point I had never seen or heard anything about the law of attraction (loa). But the forum on that site was filled with posts about how to attract your ex back using this loa. I have to note that I have come a long way since that period in my life and I would never even want to attract an ex back (I doubt it’s even possible) but back then I was willing to try anything.
This also happened to be around the time that the book ‘The Secret’ started becoming really popular. I had seen it around a few bookstores and it always looked intriguing but I never picked it up. On that website many of the discussions mentioned was the book and dvd and they kept referencing this powerful law of attraction. Something about thoughts become things and it’s all about the feeling. Sounded a bit like wishful thinking to me but as I said, I was willing to try anything.
I ended up buying the book and managed to score the dvd from a friend who had also recently heard of ‘The Secret’. After the first viewing my mind was blown and I was hungry for more. One of the people on the dvd was a man named Jack Canfield who had co-authored the ‘Chicken Soup for the Soul’ books. I loved these books and so I was particularly interested in his story. He mentioned meeting a man named W.Clement Stone and he decided to attract $100,000 into his life. He wrote a cheque for $100,000 and stuck it on his ceiling. Every morning he would wake up and see that visual reminder and would imagine himself already having that money in his life. Nothing happened for about 30 days but then a thought came to him about writing a short book. Pieces of the ‘how to do this’ started falling into place and to make a long story short, he made little over $90k that year.
I started looking up more information about Jack Canfield and listened to recordings on YouTube and other places. I trawled through the Powerful Intentions website almost every day and learned as much as I could. In 2008 it was still early days and people didn’t fully understand the law of attraction. There was a lot of unfinished information or inaccurate information going around e.g. opening yourself up to evil spirits. I have since learned that there is only a source of good. Emotions you feel are on a scale of least good to most good. There is no source of evil. We come from pure positive energy. Anyway, this learning really helped me to see that I was the creator of my own experience and I had the power to control my thoughts and feelings.
I went through 2009 learning more and more and attempting to attract things deliberately. I can’t remember attracting anything big that year but I was still hungry to learn more. Towards the end of 2009 I read a post about writing down a list of things you want, visualizing them with feeling and then letting it go (they said to “let go and let God”). So I wrote down a list of things I wanted in my future husband. I decided that I wanted my next relationship to be ‘the one’. I put a lot of thought into it. I thought about my exes and things I liked and didn’t like. I thought about things that I would potentially want as well. I got specific only where I knew exactly what I wanted. Otherwise I stayed general and trusted that the universe would know what I truly desired. Here’s my list:
- Same values as me
- Interested in the same issues as me
- Good looking
- Loves me to bits
- Easy to talk to
- Has a cool last name
- Loves animals
- loves reading
- loves culture
- loves travelling
- strong yet gentle
- loves cuddles
I’ve left out 4 that I think are a bit personal but otherwise this is my fairly extensive list. I then decided to ‘let it go’ which meant that I had to really enjoy the moment and enjoy being single and fall in love with myself before anyone else could. I did 2 things after writing the list. I visualized myself and this soulmate hugging one another and feeling a deep sense of love. I felt secure in the hug and told myself that everything was going to be alright. The second thing I did was I put on a necklace that had a heart pendant on it. This was so that I could act as if my soulmate had given me that chain. Then I let it go. I put the list away and made a decision that I didn’t want to be in a relationship that year (this was December 2009. I wanted to remain single in 2010 and just enjoy other things).
Once I made that decision to be single, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt like I was happy doing other things. I went out to movies with friends, I even 3rd wheeled it a few times but when I told people that I didn’t want to be in a relationship right now, I felt lighter and no pressure. I started focusing on art, started taking a few classes at the gym and just getting on with life. Every now and again I would look at the heart pendant and tell my soulmate “thank you, I love it”.
This was the happiest I had been in a long time. I was starting to bounce back into the bubbly being I used to be. I focused on what I wanted and trying not to please other people so much. My whole energy changed. And wouldn’t you know it, a few months later I was going out with my now husband. I had actually known him for almost a year but we started hanging out more and getting to know each other more. I know I said that I didn’t want to go out with anyone in 2010 but it just happened and it felt good. So I went with it. Follow your bliss.
I didn’t tell him any of this initially, so the best surprise for me was when he gave me a heart necklace for our 1 year anniversary.
The lesson I learned was that letting go isn’t always easy but it is necessary. Letting go means trusting that the universe has delivered to you. You have to figure out how to believe that. For me, using the necklace helped to increase that belief that my soulmate was already with me. And making the decision to be single helped because I wasn’t putting my awareness on the lack of him manifesting in my life yet. He arrived almost exactly 3 months after I wrote my list. He was already in my life to be precise, but neither of us had ever even thought of the prospect of dating. But my happy self just attracted more happiness and now we are happily married. I want to thank my exes for giving me that contrast in experience which helped me to know what I don’t want. I asked the universe for things I could predict. My husband is way way way better than anything I could have asked for. Ask, believe, trust, receive.